The weight of Singleness

weight

/weɪt/

noun

the heaviness of a person or a thing…

Growing up like most girls I watched mostly fairytales. I wasn’t too crazy about Repunzel, I had days when I’d enjoy Snow White, occasionally I’d watch Sleeping beauty and the others who were not as important hence I haven’t mentioned them by name, but my ultimate favorite was Cinderella. Oh Cindy she was the ultimate Princess, a classic rags to riches, ordinary girl turned into royalty. I could relate to that. She had mean relatives who tried to get in the way, she had chores but she was beautiful. I loved how her Prince went house to house on a personal search for the love of his life.

And in the end she was found and of course they walk into the sunset and they lived happily ever after.

Life is no fairytale. It has real people, no castles, no fairy godmothers or shiny chariots just normal people who are flawed.

I’m 28 and I’m single, really upset that my prince charming put in the wrong address in his GPS because I’m really tired of waiting and explaining myself. And if one more person asks me if “I’ve met someone yet” I’ll lose it. “No Margret, I’m still, as single as I was was a year ago, eat your cake!”

I had a horrible approach to singleness, but I wasn’t aware. I learnt from a young age that it’s all about waiting, watching out of the window, keeping one eye on what’s in front of you whilst the other spins vigorously trying to locate a possible suitor because that’s what women do. That’s when life begins. So the twenties come for you in three phases:

Phase 1

This was the early twenties. Things are fine you start earning an actual salary, everyone graduates, friends buy cars. You go on a few dates nothing serious. You take things slow, you’re at your peak. There’s no rush.

Phase 2

This was the mid twenties. You start to panicking everyone starts getting married, you’re bridesmaiding on most weekends, and if not you’re at weddings, shortly after that those friends who got married start getting pregnant and now the baby showers start rolling in and you’re side eying God. You date with more intention but unfortunately nothing works and you spend more time obsessing over this than what you’re likely to admit. You get the “You’re still single?” question more now because people see you attending weddings, you’re at the verge of holding a man at gun point so he proposes but unfortunately there’s no one around, or should I say fortunately for their sake. You feel the weight of singleness.

Being single is like a disease, Social Media is full of couples, dream weddings and proposals and at the back of your mind you’re thinking “there must be something wrong with me” It seems everyone is getting hitched.

Phase 3

These are the late twenties. Singleness becomes an unbearable weight on your shoulders. People worsen the load as if you’re not already crucifying yourself enough. Everywhere you look people are coupling.

You go back to the drawing board something isn’t right.

The thing is no fairytale prepared us for singleness.

No story from childhood equips you for being on your own.

Strange that this is the case even though Statistics say:

“that roughly half of all South African men and women are single– particularly those aged between 18 and 34. More than half of all men and just under half of all women in South Africa appear to be single, according to new research.”

With so many single people we need a better approach. We need to stop assuming the worst about a person just because they’re single. There are worse things than being without a significant other.

There’s no template for how life should be. Of course I made mistakes in dating and I’ve had my fair share of challenges but life doesn’t stop.

So to my single people:

STOP WAITING AND LIVE

Start setting goals. I’m not saying give up on love, no give in completely but on the right love this time, Love is a person and his name is Jesus. He’s better than all of the Prince Charmings combined.

FIND YOUR PURPOSE

I read an amazing blog by a good friend mine. Which came in three parts namely 1. MASTER 2. MISSION 3. MATE.

In it he goes in-depth on what singleness should look like especially for believers.

This is no. 1 which MASTER

Thriving in your single-hood: Part One- Master

So Travel, write, sing, speak, find your dream. Heal from your childhood traumas, go to therapy, set goals, save, start a business. Learn the true essence of love.

The bible says


“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. Sometimes people want a relationship because they can’t stand being on their own. This is a problem.

Singleness doesn’t have to be a burden and if it is now we’re going to put the load down. And where better than the cross. The cross of Christ.

So go easy on yourself, you may be single but you’re not alone. Love has come and his name is Jesus and there’s no place he won’t go to find you, to heal you, to save you.

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Remember life is ART.

One thought on “The weight of Singleness

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